I've actually found an actress that I sorta look like, if anyone has seen the US version of Being Human, I look a tad like Rebecca. At the beginning of the season, when her hair was WAY red and she had a bit more bold bangs (I happen to have both of). Although she has more of a sharp, angular face. I inherited the flat, roundish face from my Polish ancestry (For some reason, I always get asked if I'm part asian. It makes sense when you see the bone structure resemblance between eastern europeans and asians). My face is mostly heart-shaped, but with chubbyish cheeks, kind of Reenee Zielweiger, except without the whole scrunch face (Think a bit more Pre-Raphaelite).
Well tomorrow is a day for anxiety: I have a commercial casting call.
I've been taking uppers (Which hopefully-yeah right-My mom won't notice are missing. This is all in the hopes to help me lose a pound or 2, so I don't look so horrible. I have to make up and memorize a 15 second commercial as well. I, of course, have not started yet. I'm thinking of maybe saying a PSA, as they are pretty straight forward, and I can sneak in some dramtic acting there. But I'm afraid I won't have enough range in it. Oh god, I am so nervous. Any ideas??
I also am going to prom again this year with Twirl. She REALLY wants me to go with this one kid, since he's a senior and wants a date so badly. I remember him from when I went to the middle school thhere and he was Dicken, when I was Colin, in the Secret Garden musical. He's a bit proper, old fashioned, if you will. He's a bit quirky, doesn't have many guy friends, and not any girls who see him in "that way". Twirl said that he asked one of his friends to prom (She's a pretty, nice girl. At this school there's not much popularity, yet there are those who are persued) and she turned him down. Twirl will owe me big time if I do decide to go with him, especially since she requested me to make his night awesome and just give him a quick peck. That's no problem for me, hell I just *like* kissing people, BUT I'm afraid this could be leading him on.
Perks to going with him:
He dresses Clark Kentish (Just like 50's in general), so I could finally have the chance to get a swing prom dress.
He'd probably be a hell of a lot more mature than, for example, Russe The Booty Caller (Who still keeps booty calling me, and I hate it, but at the same time I have absolutely no self esteem and he really loves to compliment me).
This is all if Twirl can't get some cute boy, one of her friends or her little love interest/prom date's friends. She already wants us (Her, Clark Kent, and myself) to have a get together, I'm still holding out for a hottie.
I feel so juvenile writing that, but I feel that your teen years are a time to let yourself be self-centered and narcisisstic. It's the time where looks are a hell of a lot more important and where nothing is certain. And sure, I've done quite a bit of risky, decidedly more *adult* things. But I've really never had a relationship. I had a boyfriend for a week in 8th grade. then I've had two girlfriends around that time as well, but they were more like "best-friends-with-benefits-let's-fool-around-with-anyone-else-we-want". There have been bites at my proverbial fishing line, but they're guys, that frankly, are not in my league, and not even intellectual. What I mean by not in my league, is that I may not be THE MOST ATTRACTIVE, I don't think I am boarish.
I have my disordered mind, which makes me very critical and think I'm super ugly, etc...
Then there's my normal perspective, I can definitely say I'm pretty, I have an hourglass figure, nice sized boobs (I like it when they're big and small, they're still good either way), and a Kim Kardashian-type ass.
That doesn't mean that I think I'm the hottest chick in the world, but I can realize that in the real world I'm probably a 7-8ish, more towards a 7 though.
The guys who usually persue me are around the 5-7 range. While some might have a small thing in common with me (A love of Star Trek and other really geeky things), there's not much else there. They always get enamoured with me because I'm nice, quirky, and just different from most girls. Then there tends to be some kind of tension because they think this makes me instantly in their range and "OMG-YOU-TEASE-WHY-ARE-YOU-SO-STUCK-UP" tends to occur. I'm not trying to make myself seem amazing or anything, this is seriously just what happens. I tend to have more in common, and an easier time fitting in, with kids a bit higher on the social ladder. The thing is, I usually am more of a one night stand with them. I feel there would be more better/variety of people when I get out of New England, or at least the more redneck/country part.
I really need to apply to more than just community colleges so I can get the fuck out.
You should just go with the guy:) you never know, you could end up having a lot of fun! I wish I was still a teenager, those were the best years of my life!! Definitely a time to be a bit shallow:P Trying to find a serious relationship during that time is almost impossible and pointless, have fun!
ReplyDeleteIt's good to read that you actually acknowledge you're pretty. I tell myself all the time "you're so ugly" but in reality I know I actually have a pretty face when I'm not pointing out all the flaws on it.
I know exactly what you mean about waiting for someone hotter to come along. Although I'm terribly self-conscious below the surface, I know that there are many good looking guys I could get if I wanted to. But we always want what we can't have!
ReplyDeleteThe play I'm doing is called East End Tales, by Fin Kennedy. There are 4 of us, and we're doing it Berkoff style. It's a really English piece, the whole "Londaaan" sort of thing.
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