Ordinary Day

'Tis a sad day when you have to choose between:

1. Two beautiful dresses, a sweater, and thick, black leggings.

2. A crazy cool Harry Potter necklaces at FAO Schwarz (Mich, OMG, I still wish I was at an acceptable age to buy the toys at FAO Scwarz. That place gets me every time.)

3. Drugs.

I unfortunately choose the clothes, BUT still have 35 dollars left over. Still have no connections for drugs though. It's times like these where I hate not having my liscense and not being able to just sneak over to Soul Sister's house. I really want to go up to one of the countless druggies in my GED class but I have such anxiety about talking to people.

I need some drugs! With this sunday being my first rehearsal for the ballet, drugs are a must. Have you ever tried ballet without drugs? it blows, it fucking sucks. Downers are great to aid in not caring about what the dance teacher/other dancers might think. They make me dance for me, without the added pressure, and they also are great for being able to take criticism and not cry. Then I also have SATs coming up in May and I need uppers for that to help study and stay up (Because when I'm anxious I can't sleep, then I end up crashing) without being exhausted.

To make things even worse I have to do a college little intro seminar thingy for my ASL major. Now this makes me so GODDAMN axious because of the fact I'll have no one to cling to (Such as a friend or my parents). I have to do this on my own to establish that I am going into college (No more parents calling teachers/principals), and have to start being independent. My parents don't seem to get how cripplingly scary it is and how it makes me want to just have a breakdown.

And if things can get even worse, I ate like a pig this weekend. I'm having my last ritalin to help boost my metabolism and keep me active today. I'm hoping that all of that walking pays off. How To Suceed in Business Without Really Trying was AH-MAZING! Daniel Radcliffe put on an American accent and was just so adorable, AND definitely is a Triple Threat (For those who don't do theatre, a Triple Threat means that the person can dance, sing, and act).

Right now I should be writing this essay that should have been done around 2 weeks ago, I can't get started on it. Writing is so hard for me if it's a forced topic, especially essays. As soon as I can get going though, I really do sound quite smart at it.

Just listening to Vanessa Carlton on repeat (My childhood), and avoiding a weigh-in until I get home from class.