My Decent Into Madness

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Let's summarize my situation and what I'll mostly write about:
I have been bulimic since 7th grade and have become a pig since I had a depression spell (Which resulted in a week stint at the psych ward).
I've been cutting since I was 9, at the edge of 10.
I have (In the mental illness department):
Bipolar
Anxiety Disorder
OCD
ADD
And just generalized craziness.

H: 5'1"
HW: 130lbs
LW: 103lbs

Time for the show:
Since today is a Saturday I'm just going to be hiding in my room all day, watching crappy movies and playing on the computer.

No where near food.

Let's hope this goes good. I was at 122.8lbs 3 days ago, but I'm too afraid to go and find out how much I weigh. Because just like usual, right when I start doing good... BAM I binge and don't purge.

So I woke up at 3am, I'm so used to waking up then because I fall asleep right after school. had a shower and have been watching TV ever since.

Midterms are this week too, fuck. I'm failing like 3 classes and if I don't make up work this weekend I'll get kicked out right after midterms. Yea, That's how much charter schools suck. And to top it all off my "friends" are a bunch of bitches, which is why I haven't been to school since Wednesday. I mostly have classes with Lipstick, Twink, and Stuck-Up (Yes those are their real initials), We used to be awesome friends at the beginning of the year but then C had a huge bitch thing for 2 months and constantly got mad at me.

So when Twink and me have music theory together he still acts like my friend and we giggle and listen to music. It was Stuck-Up's fault they drifted from me. She would always get pissy when I was around and wanted Twink to be just her best friend and A kinda is just indifferent so I go on my own and hang with some sorta friends.

When Artist has class with us she becomes best friends with them all (Her and Lipstick especially because they're like friends with benefits). No one can really stand me and I just sit with them at lunch and try not to burst out crying becausae they ignore me and talk over me.

But I guess LaLa (Me) doesn't fit with A B C (Lipstick, Twink, Stuck-Up, in that order).

Skinny and me bonded for like a week on account of Broadway blowing her off. Then she became in touch with my "old" friends. Now I'm yet again ingnored.

I'm very lucky I have Soul-Sister. But we barely see each other (About every few months) and she does understand me the best. But I need some substance.

It's times like these I really miss ballet class. I quite back in December after Nutcracker (I hadn't gone to class in a month and was just going to practice, barely). It kept me happy and kept my arms mostly scar free. Now I have to wear long sleeve shirts and sweatshirts everywhere. And I got fat and can't seem to loose it. At least back then I was at 115lbs. NOT great at all, but better than this.

Crazy times I have, I hope after highschool is a bit better.