I am so disgusted with myself, I've had 2 binges in the past 2 days that I couldn't purge after words. What is wrong with me? Am I really just this stupid fat girl? I know I am though... But FUCK! I atleast didn't eat all the day leading up to the binges, so I'm not a total fucking cow.
I've also been having such trouble with my depression, all I do is stay home from school, today was the first day of midterms and I just can't drag myself to actually go. So I'm pretty much destined to repeat 9th grade AGAIN. I really would just like to take my GED so I can just get it over with, but no one will help me take initiative to do it.
Ic an't even bare to weigh myself, I know it's going to be high and it'll just trigger a binge if I see it. It'll trigger a binge if it's low as well, anythign will trigger a binge.
I'm tying this plan: http://thosewithoutdesire.webs.com/apps/blog/show/1552098-four-day-plan
The person who made this one lost 8lbs in 4 days on it. I'm interested enough.
So last year I went to this modelling school, wherein I graduated and now I have an audition for an agency on Saturday. Now to get back at me for being "lazy" (AKA me not going to school because of my depression, but I forgot, I'm just faking it. Right Mom and Dad?) my Dad is saying I can't go. The thing is if I refuse to do an audition, which I have in the past, they get super pissed and chew me out because "WHY DID THEY EVEN FUCKIN PAY FOR IT IF I'M NOT GONNA DO IT?!" They're such fucking hypocrites.
If there's one thing I love it's Star Trek, and in the newest movie there came awesoem thinspo in the form of Zoe Saldana. GO watch it, it's very good. She was also in Center Stage, as that girl who had such an attitude but was a great dancer.
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