You know you're having a breakdown when your mom buys you a laptop stand and you burst out crying because you don't have room for it... It's just an all over bad day, and this is pissing me off beyond belief/more than it should.
-I have no plans for this year
-I have barely any friends
-My brothers don't want anything to do with me, they never do
-I pretty much am never going to do anything in life
-I really need to get away from my family, they contribute way to much to the toxicity of my disorders
-I just really need to get high
I'm trying with all of my self control not to cut, as it will be so fucking hard to cover up in this weather. At the very least I would like to smash my head/arms again a wall a few times to calm me down enough, but that's kind of hard with my dad in the house.
My mom not being here makes it even more clear how co-dependent I am. I hate that my parents made me like this. I hate it. It's so hard to stand up for myself, even to talk to people on the phone. I get afraid of being anywhere by myself, even places I know.
I really don't get how I'll ever be able to live past 20, at the very least.
I don't want to feel like this anymore.
I can relate to everything in your list, and I'm 26. I think that's just life. Especially the part about not knowing what to do with life.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be ok. Eventually you'll get out, and when you do you'll probably find that you had the strength to make it on your own all along. <3
xoxoxo