Lose Yourself

Besides being so undecided/not caring about some kind of secondary education this year(A sign of BPD), I've been trying to decide if I should just go for something creative, such as floral design or cosmetology.

There's a few catches:
-Just about no GOOD schools for either subject in NH.
-A select few in MA are good.
-The ones in MA are so damn far away, and to do it 6 days a week, driving about an hour or more each way, for over a year, will suck.

So there's my little ditty.

It looks like I'll either have a breakdown from how much time I'll waste doing this

I wish one of you girls knew of a good school near you and were willing to put up with lil' ol' me as a roomie... But that's kind of a pipe dream.

At this point I'm pretty pissed/depressed about the fact I really can't get any kind of education in New England, although I already knew I couldn't make much of a life here.

I binged yesterday, eating:
2 apples with greek yogurt
1 medium Italian sub (my weakness)

I then fell alseep, waking up at 12AM to consume:
I can of Pregresso clam chowder, with around 12 water crackers.
2 pieces of roast beef, 3 broccoli (With sooo much butter on them), 3/4 cup beans and rice, and 8 wedges of potatoes.

I hate how much I fail at losing weight, I already took some uppers to help as a laxative effect and to boost my metabolism.. I have no idea why, when ever I hit 118lbs, I always binge and gain weight again, maybe it's because I think "Hey, you deserve a reward for how thin you got yourself!", then I get so tired after not eating then binging, leading to me sleeping, then it gets out of control.

I weighed myself today, before any stimulant, and I was 126lbs. After I kept running to the bathroom for *ahem* the fact my intestines keep dispelling the results of my binge, I had gotten to 123lbs. So maybe by tomorrow I can be around 122lbs, which would be a godsend in this shitty situation.