Tomorrow Belongs To Me

Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:

1. Repeated "reliving" of the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity

Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
Recurrent distressing memories of the event
Repeated dreams of the event (Nightmares where I'm back there, sent back, or have the people from there in them)
Physical reactions to situations that remind you of the traumatic event (I read a book about these places and they went on to describe the "rules" which them made me have palpitations and be on the edge of a panic attack).

2. Avoidance

Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don’t care about anything
Feelings of detachment
Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
Lack of interest in normal activities
Less expression of moods
Staying away from places, people, or objects that remind you of the event
Sense of having no future

3. Arousal

Difficulty concentrating
Exaggerated response to things that startle you
Excess awareness (hypervigilance)
Irritability or outbursts of anger (Inexplicable anger just THINKING about it, that makes me want to go on a rampage)
Sleeping difficulties

You also might feel a sense of guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt"), and the following symptoms, which are typical of anxiety, stress, and tension:

Agitation, or excitability
Dizzines
Fainting
Feeling your heart beat in your chest (palpitations)
Fever
Headache
Paleness

When I got out my emotions were just off the chart, I was so happy and easily excitable and it was like I was experiencing them all for the first time.

So I think I have found out why I've been having nightmares... Now I don't want to go to sleep because I'm afraid of having more. I really now NEED to go to a psychiatrist to get this all documented so then I can show this in court.

And if I hear one more time how my mother would have "Rebelled and not have been co-operative at all" I'm going to cut. She seriously does not understand how terrifying it is to not have any way to get out, being underage and at the mercy of people whom you DO NOT know one bit. Not ever having comfort and don't forget to mention being stranded in the middle of buttfuck, where the closet town would be probably a day's walk away. Putting me in that stint of solitary scared me quite a bit, especially since you never have a moment to just breathe, then they isolate you to make you feel more helpless. Then they say lies, and say that you have "no rights" there. Fucking fuck, I'm glad I watched Law & Order so much to even know half as much law as I do.

Plainly, you can see I'm still not over it.

In other news I'm in a V-Day production of The Vagina Monologues, which is a big deal to lil' ol' feminist me. Espcially since I'm going to be the youngest in ours'.