I did 2 of my GED tests yesterday (Social Studies and Reading), knocking them out of the way. Then I call up my mom to tell her I finished, because those tests were supposed to be around 2 hours together and I did it in one.
She went home, even after me EXPLICITLY saying that it would be super easy and take me a fraction of the time, those are my best subjects after all. Never the less, I had to wait for 30 minutes for her to pick me up. BUT then we went to Newbury Comics after, my dad said he was going to get me a cd the other day and forgot. I fucking love Newbury Comics for their awesome discount used cds, especially with how many musicals they have. As an added bonus I found a Rush cd I have been looking for (Rush is amazing, period.) and the Jersey Boys soundtrack.
Afterwards we went to the dollar store. Which means awesome temporary tattoos and candy galore all for a dollar each. I ended up getting 3 different boxes of candies just for when I binge and green peeps, which I didn't know existed. When I got home I slept, so yes, it was a great fasting day.
I still haven't eaten today, but I happen to have some cognac, with which I am contemplating getting drunk off of. When even I do drink I lose weight super easily, it really does seem to be the best way for me, besides uppers that is.
I weighed in this morning at 121lbs.
Ladies, hold the applause.
This is the skinniest I've been in months, AT LEAST since early spring I'd say. I have on a shirt right now that up until recently made me look like I had a fleah tire around my middle underneath.
An update on our New York vaction this weekend:
My dad took forever to book a hotel so the only one we could get was the Hilton, yesssssss. He was going to get a shitty 2 star one as well. Me and my mom have already been bouncing off ideas as to where we should go, the following:
Macys'
FAO Schwarz
East Village (We have always wanted to go there, but have never had the time whenever we go to New York)
Any suggestions as to where else?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Shoud've Said No
OHMYFUCKINGOD.
I hate the fact that I can smell anything that people cook from my room. I have no clue as to what it is but it smells like home fries perhaps? All I know is I weighed myself at around 3am and I was 122.6lbs, and I am so damn hungry from fasting, AND DON'T EAT.
122.6
Don't eat.
122.6
Don't binge.
And of course some kind of meat must be cooking as well, seeing as how my dad is home and always fucking needs meat. But NOOOO he doesn't want anything processed.. Then he shouldn't fucking eat cheese and cookies. And while I'm on this subject, he always need to talk about how he needs to lose weight or ask if we notice how "thin he is". Just last week he was saying how the family needs to go on a diet, now if there is one thing I hate hearing it is my parents saying "We all need to diet". I'M NOT THE ONE WITH AN OBESE BMI, I ACTUALLY HAVE MINE IN A NORMAL RANGE. It makes me get so fucking defensive, because they NEVER do anything about it (Like stop buying shitty binge foods, or my mom who eating all through the day "grazing", which is supposed to be BAD for your health). What makes me mad is they never follow through with these diets, just mention them once, piss me off, and forget about them. Then they go back to their disgustingly greasy bags of potato chips.
I go through phases where I can accept my curves, and even like them to a certain degree, but then they just have to get me down about them. I'm always thinking about my weight in the back of my head, but the feminist in me allows me to deal with my body.
Now do you girls see why I never have the motivation to follow through with things? More importantly, why I have an eating disorder?
I hate the fact that I can smell anything that people cook from my room. I have no clue as to what it is but it smells like home fries perhaps? All I know is I weighed myself at around 3am and I was 122.6lbs, and I am so damn hungry from fasting, AND DON'T EAT.
122.6
Don't eat.
122.6
Don't binge.
And of course some kind of meat must be cooking as well, seeing as how my dad is home and always fucking needs meat. But NOOOO he doesn't want anything processed.. Then he shouldn't fucking eat cheese and cookies. And while I'm on this subject, he always need to talk about how he needs to lose weight or ask if we notice how "thin he is". Just last week he was saying how the family needs to go on a diet, now if there is one thing I hate hearing it is my parents saying "We all need to diet". I'M NOT THE ONE WITH AN OBESE BMI, I ACTUALLY HAVE MINE IN A NORMAL RANGE. It makes me get so fucking defensive, because they NEVER do anything about it (Like stop buying shitty binge foods, or my mom who eating all through the day "grazing", which is supposed to be BAD for your health). What makes me mad is they never follow through with these diets, just mention them once, piss me off, and forget about them. Then they go back to their disgustingly greasy bags of potato chips.
I go through phases where I can accept my curves, and even like them to a certain degree, but then they just have to get me down about them. I'm always thinking about my weight in the back of my head, but the feminist in me allows me to deal with my body.
Now do you girls see why I never have the motivation to follow through with things? More importantly, why I have an eating disorder?
Sunday, February 20, 2011
If You See Kay
All I can say is I am so fat.
I keep hovering at 124.2-4lbs and it is annoying the shit out of me. I cracked out my last ritalin that I took from my mom, in an effort to fast, since it's a slow release (GOD DAMN I HATE THOSE). I then was cutting it up to snort it and I found out that the coating on it (That makes it slow release) just peels off with some careful movements of a razorblade.
I widdled it off.
Like a pioneer.
Now I'm full of energy, and more importantly NOT hungry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you girls awhile ago that my mom is leaving in June for a week to go to Texas to help my brother out with some stuff (It's originally school stuff, but knowing how shitty it is living with his girlfriend, she's going to help with that too). I really have to make sure that my dad does NOT take off work because the whole week will be miserable, and we would have to do everything he wants to. If he doesn't take off work, I'll be able to have friends over and shit without any kind of parental intervention.
Then I could even have them over night and just have them stay in my room. Seriously my dad comes home and asks how I'm doing fromt he hallway then goes to his room. He also falls asleep super fast.
I HAVE to have my liscense by this time, because I might be getting a job at SuperCuts as a receptionist and I'll need a way to get there. See, my youngest brother's fiancee is a receptionist at another one, but they transferred her to the one I'm applying for, and now the chick quit at her first one so she's going back. But now she can put in a good word for me to work there. So I am REALLY hoping to get a job there, I need to get out of this house and socialize more. Because it exhausts me to even go to GED classes 3x a week, imagine what college will be like next year.
I am now second guessing about what I want my major to be in college now, I was going for a double major in ASL and theater, now I kinda want to do psychology instead of ASL. I think I'd be quite good at it, I know a lot about the inner workings, I'm empathetic and compassionate, and I'm not judgemental about these things. At the same time, I love languages and it'd be so cool to be a translator. See, my plan was to go to this college, get my Associates' in both theater and ASL (They have a lot of the same basic classes), then transfer to a 4 year university to pursue theater, while using my ASL tranlating on the side as a way to earn money. Then I'd always have a fall back if I didn't do well in theater. Theater would also help tremendously with ASL as it involves lots of facial expressions and body language.
Ah, I just don't know.
I keep hovering at 124.2-4lbs and it is annoying the shit out of me. I cracked out my last ritalin that I took from my mom, in an effort to fast, since it's a slow release (GOD DAMN I HATE THOSE). I then was cutting it up to snort it and I found out that the coating on it (That makes it slow release) just peels off with some careful movements of a razorblade.
I widdled it off.
Like a pioneer.
Now I'm full of energy, and more importantly NOT hungry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you girls awhile ago that my mom is leaving in June for a week to go to Texas to help my brother out with some stuff (It's originally school stuff, but knowing how shitty it is living with his girlfriend, she's going to help with that too). I really have to make sure that my dad does NOT take off work because the whole week will be miserable, and we would have to do everything he wants to. If he doesn't take off work, I'll be able to have friends over and shit without any kind of parental intervention.
Then I could even have them over night and just have them stay in my room. Seriously my dad comes home and asks how I'm doing fromt he hallway then goes to his room. He also falls asleep super fast.
I HAVE to have my liscense by this time, because I might be getting a job at SuperCuts as a receptionist and I'll need a way to get there. See, my youngest brother's fiancee is a receptionist at another one, but they transferred her to the one I'm applying for, and now the chick quit at her first one so she's going back. But now she can put in a good word for me to work there. So I am REALLY hoping to get a job there, I need to get out of this house and socialize more. Because it exhausts me to even go to GED classes 3x a week, imagine what college will be like next year.
I am now second guessing about what I want my major to be in college now, I was going for a double major in ASL and theater, now I kinda want to do psychology instead of ASL. I think I'd be quite good at it, I know a lot about the inner workings, I'm empathetic and compassionate, and I'm not judgemental about these things. At the same time, I love languages and it'd be so cool to be a translator. See, my plan was to go to this college, get my Associates' in both theater and ASL (They have a lot of the same basic classes), then transfer to a 4 year university to pursue theater, while using my ASL tranlating on the side as a way to earn money. Then I'd always have a fall back if I didn't do well in theater. Theater would also help tremendously with ASL as it involves lots of facial expressions and body language.
Ah, I just don't know.
Friday, February 18, 2011
We Don't Need Another Hero
Yesterday me and my mother had a super awesome conversation where we were just talking about the mental disorders in our family. It started with just her and me discussing how my father is completely histrionic and has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Then we talked about how two of my brothers have really fucked up girls and that these women are both so jealous of the fact they had a nurturing mother growing up. They are both stuck in a childish mindset because the missed out on such important nurturing times in their lives (Because their families both really sucked).
Anyways I learned a lot of things talking with her today:
My dad's mom also cheated all the time, just like his dad did (Although his dad would bring the women back home and pay my dad off to not tell).
My dad would beat up my brothers when they were young ( I always suspected this, since when I was young he would choke my oldest brother and he did smack me around a few times. Not hard enough to bruise and never anywhere visible).
Me and my mom both think that my dad and his mom had a Oedipus/Jocasta complex, and we suspect her brother (My dad's mom's) and their mom had one too.
Apparently my Grandma (Dad's mom) had a thing for men in uniform, they were her choice prey.
Dad's family has alcoholics stemming back quite a few generations, so his alcoholism is genetically inclined.
Dad also was sexually active before the age of 12.
He would also get girls drunk, take them somewhere to have sex, and then leave them. He also gangbanged girls with his friends, I wouldn't be suprised now to find out he raped girls whom he didn't have to lower their ability to consent with substances.
My mom also told me that she was 4 months pregnant with my oldest brother when they got married. I was suspicious of this when I was like 12-13 but she denied it, I'm the first one of her kids that she's flat out told. She had to get married to my dad because it was either get married to him or move back with her parents, which would have been like Flowers in The Attic (We both thought this and said it at the same time).
Her parents were also very uncontrollably violent.
I finally mentioned about how I think my brothers resent me because of the fact dad mellowed out for me, did stuff with me, bought me stuff, spoiled me, etc.. And there's the fact that when I was little my two oldest brothers were my father figures. My dad was just unconnected and everything was about him, he never dealt with us, unless it was to yell and hit. So my brothers definitely helped raise me. I think they hate that I took away some of their time to be kids and that now at the age they were when they were raising me, I have lots of things they don't.
Well that was quite a lot of things to digest, but I think this has ultimately brought me and my mom closer.
In other news, my dad hasn't told my mom I took the pills, he's just pretending it hasn't happened, but the pills are hidden. I walked in his room the other day and saw he had a lock box filled with bottles and he was taking out some. He is very much so a hypochondriac, but even more so he has a VERY VERY addictive personality, and drugs himself up often. It's such a double standard, that I can't have drugs (My parents regulate them for me when they are prescribed), yet they can make up shit, get pills, and GIVE them to eachotehr and other people (Like when my mom will offer a ritalin to my sister in law because she can't focus).
I am also the proud owner of a 122.8lbs weight. Yes, I'm still disgustingly fat, but atleast I'm losing.
Anyways I learned a lot of things talking with her today:
My dad's mom also cheated all the time, just like his dad did (Although his dad would bring the women back home and pay my dad off to not tell).
My dad would beat up my brothers when they were young ( I always suspected this, since when I was young he would choke my oldest brother and he did smack me around a few times. Not hard enough to bruise and never anywhere visible).
Me and my mom both think that my dad and his mom had a Oedipus/Jocasta complex, and we suspect her brother (My dad's mom's) and their mom had one too.
Apparently my Grandma (Dad's mom) had a thing for men in uniform, they were her choice prey.
Dad's family has alcoholics stemming back quite a few generations, so his alcoholism is genetically inclined.
Dad also was sexually active before the age of 12.
He would also get girls drunk, take them somewhere to have sex, and then leave them. He also gangbanged girls with his friends, I wouldn't be suprised now to find out he raped girls whom he didn't have to lower their ability to consent with substances.
My mom also told me that she was 4 months pregnant with my oldest brother when they got married. I was suspicious of this when I was like 12-13 but she denied it, I'm the first one of her kids that she's flat out told. She had to get married to my dad because it was either get married to him or move back with her parents, which would have been like Flowers in The Attic (We both thought this and said it at the same time).
Her parents were also very uncontrollably violent.
I finally mentioned about how I think my brothers resent me because of the fact dad mellowed out for me, did stuff with me, bought me stuff, spoiled me, etc.. And there's the fact that when I was little my two oldest brothers were my father figures. My dad was just unconnected and everything was about him, he never dealt with us, unless it was to yell and hit. So my brothers definitely helped raise me. I think they hate that I took away some of their time to be kids and that now at the age they were when they were raising me, I have lots of things they don't.
Well that was quite a lot of things to digest, but I think this has ultimately brought me and my mom closer.
In other news, my dad hasn't told my mom I took the pills, he's just pretending it hasn't happened, but the pills are hidden. I walked in his room the other day and saw he had a lock box filled with bottles and he was taking out some. He is very much so a hypochondriac, but even more so he has a VERY VERY addictive personality, and drugs himself up often. It's such a double standard, that I can't have drugs (My parents regulate them for me when they are prescribed), yet they can make up shit, get pills, and GIVE them to eachotehr and other people (Like when my mom will offer a ritalin to my sister in law because she can't focus).
I am also the proud owner of a 122.8lbs weight. Yes, I'm still disgustingly fat, but atleast I'm losing.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Under Pressure
Down to 124lbs today. I think it's in lew of the fact that I had vitamins today. Starting on a whole regime of biotin, kelp, and b-complex. Biotin and kelp both happen to be for metabolism, and it really seems to work. Because I never loose more than .8lbs a day, and I lost 1lb weighing myself before my scheduled weigh in time.
Now onto really fuckin' crappy news, my dad came back from the hospital (He had a minor surgery yesterday).. He had Oxy and Valium, so I took a few, thinking he wouldn't notice.. He did. So I gave him back them, but he noticed that I had a few more, I denied it. The thing is though that I did have 1 more valium and Oxy, but I snorted them already.
He's saying I can't do the ballet any more. And Twirl told me that she got in, she was just called instead.
I just feel so ridiculous and stupid.
Now onto really fuckin' crappy news, my dad came back from the hospital (He had a minor surgery yesterday).. He had Oxy and Valium, so I took a few, thinking he wouldn't notice.. He did. So I gave him back them, but he noticed that I had a few more, I denied it. The thing is though that I did have 1 more valium and Oxy, but I snorted them already.
He's saying I can't do the ballet any more. And Twirl told me that she got in, she was just called instead.
I just feel so ridiculous and stupid.
Monday, February 14, 2011
I Can Do Better Than That
I had a really shitty friday and didn't purge which got me into a binge-binge-wait-too-long-purge cycle that finally broke today. By purging quicker. After eating Taco Bell.
I am 125lbs after this.
But do you want to know what put me in even worse of a mood, thta made me feel like SUCH A COMPLETE DOUCHE?!
I got an email today from the director of the Midsummer Night's Dream ballet. I got in. I called Twirl because I thought "Hey, I haven't been in dance for over a fuckin' year, Twirl MUST have gotten in, seeing as she's AMAZING in dance.." She hasn't gotten a fuckin' email. I can't believe this shit. I BLOWED, I might have had great presentation and smiled, but she got the moves much better. I was the one who fucked up big time. I was the fattest chick in there. She was the one with the mucsles and the stick-thiness.
I just feel like a big dickhead for calling her and thinking that she got in too, but like if ya'll saw her dance, you'd assume so too.
And to top all of this off, I cut on my arms. Luckily enough though I have until March 6th for them to fade a bit, boy do I feel like this is going to turn into a total shit show.
I am 125lbs after this.
But do you want to know what put me in even worse of a mood, thta made me feel like SUCH A COMPLETE DOUCHE?!
I got an email today from the director of the Midsummer Night's Dream ballet. I got in. I called Twirl because I thought "Hey, I haven't been in dance for over a fuckin' year, Twirl MUST have gotten in, seeing as she's AMAZING in dance.." She hasn't gotten a fuckin' email. I can't believe this shit. I BLOWED, I might have had great presentation and smiled, but she got the moves much better. I was the one who fucked up big time. I was the fattest chick in there. She was the one with the mucsles and the stick-thiness.
I just feel like a big dickhead for calling her and thinking that she got in too, but like if ya'll saw her dance, you'd assume so too.
And to top all of this off, I cut on my arms. Luckily enough though I have until March 6th for them to fade a bit, boy do I feel like this is going to turn into a total shit show.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Need You Now
Been hitting a weight plateau of 124lbs, keep on fucking hovering. We all know what that means:
No binging/purging
Restricting but having to keep food in my stomach (one thing that is so hard)
We had a reproductive health class today, let me just say no even jokingly, I keep on wowing them majorly because of how smart I am (Higher level than everyone else, and more amazing as I've never even passed 9th grade). So yeah, me just pretty much being crazy smart. Then we started talking about consent/rape and WOAH there was only 4 of us today and one of the nice boys was JUST SO GREAT about it. Like he completely blew me away and made a bro for life because of how vehemently he was about consent. I would have totally started turning the flirt on (Nothing gets me going like a guy who shows feminist tendencies, or who likes Harry Potter). Turns out he's got a girl, and he knocked her up. So we were discussing about how he needs to go to a clinic with her, prenatal vitamins, blah, blah, blah...
Bummer.
Well today one of the women who work there made these 2 big peach tart things, and no one else ate them, so I felt really bad. Ate a small bit, now I'm hoping this will help my plateau. I'd safely estimate that piece to be around 300 cals (Probably less, but one can never be too sure), not ideal, but nothing else for me now.
OH! I am now 5'2"!!! Pretty fucking exciting, especially since I wore tights and floral shorts today and I looked very much pre-dropping-out-of-ballet. I am now the proud owner of a 22.9 BMI.
Nothing else is really new, no news about the ballet thing... I have such a feeling I didn't get in.
No binging/purging
Restricting but having to keep food in my stomach (one thing that is so hard)
We had a reproductive health class today, let me just say no even jokingly, I keep on wowing them majorly because of how smart I am (Higher level than everyone else, and more amazing as I've never even passed 9th grade). So yeah, me just pretty much being crazy smart. Then we started talking about consent/rape and WOAH there was only 4 of us today and one of the nice boys was JUST SO GREAT about it. Like he completely blew me away and made a bro for life because of how vehemently he was about consent. I would have totally started turning the flirt on (Nothing gets me going like a guy who shows feminist tendencies, or who likes Harry Potter). Turns out he's got a girl, and he knocked her up. So we were discussing about how he needs to go to a clinic with her, prenatal vitamins, blah, blah, blah...
Bummer.
Well today one of the women who work there made these 2 big peach tart things, and no one else ate them, so I felt really bad. Ate a small bit, now I'm hoping this will help my plateau. I'd safely estimate that piece to be around 300 cals (Probably less, but one can never be too sure), not ideal, but nothing else for me now.
OH! I am now 5'2"!!! Pretty fucking exciting, especially since I wore tights and floral shorts today and I looked very much pre-dropping-out-of-ballet. I am now the proud owner of a 22.9 BMI.
Nothing else is really new, no news about the ballet thing... I have such a feeling I didn't get in.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Coolest Girl
This chicka weighed in at 125lbs last night, how fucking great is that? Especially witht he fact I had so much stress this weekend with the Vagina Monologues (Which went fabulous by the way, and we raised over $6,000 for charity!). Then I went to Twirl's house after it on saturday.
We tried out for a ballet company's production of Midsummer Night's Dream, even though I haven't done dance in about a year. I think I did just about as well as the others on demi-pointe (Since I haven't done pointe in so long I just stuck to demi like Twirl). I definitely had the best presentation while waiting to show off my MAD SKILLZ at dance... I really hope I get in though, because if I do I'm going to go back into dance. I just have a feeling that I won't get in because they'll say that I haven't been keeping up with dance, blah blah blah, so I can't come in, even though I did pretty damn well.
I've been fitting into old skinnier clothes, like my size 3 skirt and dark green skinny jeans. Also my shorts are fitting too! Anyways, I best be bouncing, to worry about casting and weight on my own.
Edit: Just weighed myself 15 minutes after writing this and girls, I'm 124.4lbs!!!! Like seriously WTF?! I can't believe that even with the fact I had a chocolate milkshake and chicken sandwich at Wendys' on saturday. But damn, I haven't been this skinny since at least early to mid-summer.
We tried out for a ballet company's production of Midsummer Night's Dream, even though I haven't done dance in about a year. I think I did just about as well as the others on demi-pointe (Since I haven't done pointe in so long I just stuck to demi like Twirl). I definitely had the best presentation while waiting to show off my MAD SKILLZ at dance... I really hope I get in though, because if I do I'm going to go back into dance. I just have a feeling that I won't get in because they'll say that I haven't been keeping up with dance, blah blah blah, so I can't come in, even though I did pretty damn well.
I've been fitting into old skinnier clothes, like my size 3 skirt and dark green skinny jeans. Also my shorts are fitting too! Anyways, I best be bouncing, to worry about casting and weight on my own.
Edit: Just weighed myself 15 minutes after writing this and girls, I'm 124.4lbs!!!! Like seriously WTF?! I can't believe that even with the fact I had a chocolate milkshake and chicken sandwich at Wendys' on saturday. But damn, I haven't been this skinny since at least early to mid-summer.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Mr. Blue Sky
So last night I finally broke my 3 day fast.
Binged like a true fat kid.
Luckily I purged, and I am now 126lbs even! I have some exciting news as well:
I fit into some of my awesome dark green skinny jeans (They're a size 1 but fit like a 3ish). Of course I still have quite a bit of muffin top but FUCK I COULD BUTTON THEM. Anyways, I just had a zip up hoodie over it to mask the spillage and it looked great! I was so damn happy going to Good Enough school today (GED=Good Enough Diploma, haha). We also got to leave early, due to snow.
To make today even better I wrote an essay by myself! Now this is a very hard thing for me, because specific topics are very hard. While I can comprehend and think it up, it is VERY hard to put words to paper. I felt pretty accomplished. Then I came home and finished the rest of my social studies so I can take the pretest for that, AND did a bit of language arts as well. Best yet, rehearsal was cancelled tonight, so no driving for a long while!
I've just been sitting in my room, listening to my awesome playlist of songs that I just love, and gave myself a little treat for being so great (A vicodin and half a gabapentin).
I did drink the other half of this huge gatorade I was working on since sunday, but fuck it, it was only 100 cals. Then I chugged quite a bit of a Powerade zero (The strawberry seriously tastes like jello when it's still liquid). Now I temporarily have no desire to eat, which is great because I was SO hungry for some toast with jam.
I really prefer not eat, because I can not control myself after the first bite, that's why I suck at restricting. So for now I'm doing liquid calories and a binge and purge session here and there to quench my maddening appetite.
Right now I feel really just all over great (It is noted that I had an *extra* boost).
I noticed that if I lose about 2-3lbs more I will finally be able to go back to bing a C-cup. Finding a 34C is much nicer than scouring the stores for a 34D, the hardest fucxking size in the world to find!
Binged like a true fat kid.
Luckily I purged, and I am now 126lbs even! I have some exciting news as well:
I fit into some of my awesome dark green skinny jeans (They're a size 1 but fit like a 3ish). Of course I still have quite a bit of muffin top but FUCK I COULD BUTTON THEM. Anyways, I just had a zip up hoodie over it to mask the spillage and it looked great! I was so damn happy going to Good Enough school today (GED=Good Enough Diploma, haha). We also got to leave early, due to snow.
To make today even better I wrote an essay by myself! Now this is a very hard thing for me, because specific topics are very hard. While I can comprehend and think it up, it is VERY hard to put words to paper. I felt pretty accomplished. Then I came home and finished the rest of my social studies so I can take the pretest for that, AND did a bit of language arts as well. Best yet, rehearsal was cancelled tonight, so no driving for a long while!
I've just been sitting in my room, listening to my awesome playlist of songs that I just love, and gave myself a little treat for being so great (A vicodin and half a gabapentin).
I did drink the other half of this huge gatorade I was working on since sunday, but fuck it, it was only 100 cals. Then I chugged quite a bit of a Powerade zero (The strawberry seriously tastes like jello when it's still liquid). Now I temporarily have no desire to eat, which is great because I was SO hungry for some toast with jam.
I really prefer not eat, because I can not control myself after the first bite, that's why I suck at restricting. So for now I'm doing liquid calories and a binge and purge session here and there to quench my maddening appetite.
Right now I feel really just all over great (It is noted that I had an *extra* boost).
I noticed that if I lose about 2-3lbs more I will finally be able to go back to bing a C-cup. Finding a 34C is much nicer than scouring the stores for a 34D, the hardest fucxking size in the world to find!
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