I feel rejuvenated. Even though I haven't slept in about 36 hours, I am just wired.
So this is what happened:
Cleaned room a bit to burn of some extra cals.
Around 2:30pm took a vyvanse. Those things are so potent, even though I know how long I was on it before, it was still amazing.
I felt like running around but I'm the couch potato so it's kinda hard for me to pass it off as a normal experience, and my mom's friends were over *gag*.
Stayed in my bed playing on the computer and singing to Terra Naomi songs ALL day, like I mean seriously, From 3pm to 11pm.
And the best accomplishment, I did not eat ANYTHING, those fuckers suppress your appetite so much that I threw away my dinner, and spit out the mango piece mom gave me, I said it was too ripe and acidy.
So all I consumed today was:
Water
Less than 2 cans of Diet 7-Up
3 Sugar-less Jolly Ranchers (30 cal.)
30 CALORIES!!!!
Now for my weight, 125lbs! Now that I've gotten down to this, I'm now at my 1st goal.
Friday, March 26, 2010
The Vicodin Song
I am determined like a fucker.
I have not slept yet.
So I'm gonna do what I always did to lose weight when I was in this mind set:
fast and when I do eat purge it directly after. That's what happened when I was at my lowest.
Also I have obtained some connies, add that to my 3 vyvanse, and you got appetite supressants for quite a while when used at the utmost needed time.
I miss being around 105lbs and it was so fucking hard to fall asleep on my stomach without putting something under my hips so then they wouldn't dig into the matress. I WILL get there. I am so fucking wanting it at the moment.
Weighed myself yesterday, 128.8lbs, I am so glad this is going down.
Then, I ate:
3 1/2 enchiladas
4 dollops of sour cream
few hersheys' kisses
2 bowls of fruit salad
Purged:
Only a bit of the fruit salad, most of it was acidy though, so it really digested.
So I was watching the 4 hour Judy Garland movie on Oxygen and I realized, my life is a real lot like her's, except for the whole spot-light thing. Not like those stupid broadway hopefuls who say "AH I like looove Judy Garland, I feel like exactly like her, even though I come from a great family and have perfect friends and look absolutely perfect!" I'm more like her in the lines of her presonal life, and her psyche.
Ah well, I'll definitely do better today, I know it.
And a side note, if anyone is actually reading my blog, listen to "The Vicodin Song" by Terra Naomi. It's amaaaaaazing.
Is anyone reading it?
I have not slept yet.
So I'm gonna do what I always did to lose weight when I was in this mind set:
fast and when I do eat purge it directly after. That's what happened when I was at my lowest.
Also I have obtained some connies, add that to my 3 vyvanse, and you got appetite supressants for quite a while when used at the utmost needed time.
I miss being around 105lbs and it was so fucking hard to fall asleep on my stomach without putting something under my hips so then they wouldn't dig into the matress. I WILL get there. I am so fucking wanting it at the moment.
Weighed myself yesterday, 128.8lbs, I am so glad this is going down.
Then, I ate:
3 1/2 enchiladas
4 dollops of sour cream
few hersheys' kisses
2 bowls of fruit salad
Purged:
Only a bit of the fruit salad, most of it was acidy though, so it really digested.
So I was watching the 4 hour Judy Garland movie on Oxygen and I realized, my life is a real lot like her's, except for the whole spot-light thing. Not like those stupid broadway hopefuls who say "AH I like looove Judy Garland, I feel like exactly like her, even though I come from a great family and have perfect friends and look absolutely perfect!" I'm more like her in the lines of her presonal life, and her psyche.
Ah well, I'll definitely do better today, I know it.
And a side note, if anyone is actually reading my blog, listen to "The Vicodin Song" by Terra Naomi. It's amaaaaaazing.
Is anyone reading it?
Monday, March 22, 2010
It Won't Be Long Now
WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND FOUND THEIR SCALE?!
This chick, that's who.
Seems that when my mother switched around the bathroom closet she just jiggled the scale more into it's crevice. Although now i feel like a huge failure.
130.2, but I got out of the shower so my hair was quite wet and I had put on my lotion. No excuse though, I AM a pig.
Two shrink appointments back to back in a few hours, seeing how it's 3am and they start at 10am. Fuck, I'm so tired of 'delving' into my psyche. The first one is a psychiatrist for meds, so at least there's a bright side. I want my Klonopin! But the sencond is my talk session, I really don't want to. Maybe I can say I don't feel like it and we could do a stupid game or something.
Last week we just starting talkiing about my cutting, so fuck he might want to more.
This chick, that's who.
Seems that when my mother switched around the bathroom closet she just jiggled the scale more into it's crevice. Although now i feel like a huge failure.
130.2, but I got out of the shower so my hair was quite wet and I had put on my lotion. No excuse though, I AM a pig.
Two shrink appointments back to back in a few hours, seeing how it's 3am and they start at 10am. Fuck, I'm so tired of 'delving' into my psyche. The first one is a psychiatrist for meds, so at least there's a bright side. I want my Klonopin! But the sencond is my talk session, I really don't want to. Maybe I can say I don't feel like it and we could do a stupid game or something.
Last week we just starting talkiing about my cutting, so fuck he might want to more.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The World is Pretty Upside Down
Hah, been QUITE a while. It's been.. ordered chaos here.
Also I'm going to be in 9th grade again next year, damn. I just stopped going to school at the beginning of March. I feel like such a loser for that but at least I'll be 18 in less than 2 years. Then I can FINALLY take my fucking GED and get the fuck out of my house.
One of the reasons I stopped going to school was because of their accusations from the drug bust.
Like really, if I had Oxy I wouldn't sell it, I'd take it.
My brother is now a father as of a week ago, the baby's name is Valerie. I'm kinda pissed about the name though. Let me just say I am one of those people who absolutely hate their teenage years and just desperately want to have a husband and kids, I have a huge maternal/nurturing instinct. Anyways, the reason I hate that they named the baby Valerie is because I really loved the Russian name Valeria, and the name Valeris. I think this calls for a lists of names that I like:
-Valentina (Valya)
-Galina (Galya)
-Amneris
-Lucia
-Romulus
-Remi (For a girl)
-Remus (for a boy and then have it be Remy)
-Amadine
-Freya
-Skuld
-Verdandi
As it is seen, I have an obsession with Norse, Russian, French, and Egyptian names.
Now to get on with weight, I AM GOING SO FUCKING BAT SHIT CRAZY. I've been doing pretty good the past week or so, and I can definitrly tell I'm losing.
I don't got no scale though. My mother found it in the downstairs bathroom closet, and just like her, she never said anything about it. I know the she took it but she just didn't question me about it at all.
I'm a frequent gum chewer, because if I'm not chewing it I'm biting my lipsor licking them. But now I finally got my Invisalign braces in (Clear trays that snap on your teeth and slowly move them into place) and one of the things is is that you can't chew gum. You're only supposed to have them out for 2 hours a day max, so I'd rather not take them out to chew gum. So now I have a bag of sugar-free candy that I suck on occasionally.
Another thing, my parents made me go to a theRAPIST again, I usually can't deal with them past one session but my dad let me get my nosed pierced if I went, so now yay, I got a cute nose piercing.
Also I'm going to be in 9th grade again next year, damn. I just stopped going to school at the beginning of March. I feel like such a loser for that but at least I'll be 18 in less than 2 years. Then I can FINALLY take my fucking GED and get the fuck out of my house.
One of the reasons I stopped going to school was because of their accusations from the drug bust.
Like really, if I had Oxy I wouldn't sell it, I'd take it.
My brother is now a father as of a week ago, the baby's name is Valerie. I'm kinda pissed about the name though. Let me just say I am one of those people who absolutely hate their teenage years and just desperately want to have a husband and kids, I have a huge maternal/nurturing instinct. Anyways, the reason I hate that they named the baby Valerie is because I really loved the Russian name Valeria, and the name Valeris. I think this calls for a lists of names that I like:
-Valentina (Valya)
-Galina (Galya)
-Amneris
-Lucia
-Romulus
-Remi (For a girl)
-Remus (for a boy and then have it be Remy)
-Amadine
-Freya
-Skuld
-Verdandi
As it is seen, I have an obsession with Norse, Russian, French, and Egyptian names.
Now to get on with weight, I AM GOING SO FUCKING BAT SHIT CRAZY. I've been doing pretty good the past week or so, and I can definitrly tell I'm losing.
I don't got no scale though. My mother found it in the downstairs bathroom closet, and just like her, she never said anything about it. I know the she took it but she just didn't question me about it at all.
I'm a frequent gum chewer, because if I'm not chewing it I'm biting my lipsor licking them. But now I finally got my Invisalign braces in (Clear trays that snap on your teeth and slowly move them into place) and one of the things is is that you can't chew gum. You're only supposed to have them out for 2 hours a day max, so I'd rather not take them out to chew gum. So now I have a bag of sugar-free candy that I suck on occasionally.
Another thing, my parents made me go to a theRAPIST again, I usually can't deal with them past one session but my dad let me get my nosed pierced if I went, so now yay, I got a cute nose piercing.
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