Something Good To Show You

Today I get out of the house for the first time in a week, sleeping over my best friend/soul sister's house. I am so fuckiing glad, I miss her so much (We live in different states, but it's just a hour away).

And like any time together, we will get high/drunk. DAMN I love it.

But I had a stupid depression spell and cut myself recently. The cool thing about staying over her house is she and I are so comfortable around each other we sleep in our underwear. She knows about my cutting, but her family sure doesn't. And since it's pretty nice I usually wear shorts. Stupid me, cutting on my thigh, and pretty low on it too.

124.2lbs at the moment.

I wish I could have weigh myself at my usual time, as I like 24 hours or so to pass before weighing myself. Buuuuut I'll be at Soul Sister's by that time.

It's amazing, seeing that I binged crazily on Saturday, staying up till 4am talking to Russe on FaceBook. Then I was too afraid to go throw up (It takes me like a hour), fearing my Dad would get up to go to the gym soon. So I sat being so horribly obese.

So, Russe. The only down sides I can find about him is:
-He's a semi-scene kid. Doesn't dress it thoroughly, but ehhh.
-His favorite clothes are v-neck t-shirts and skinny jeans. WHO ELSE WEARS THAT CONSTANTLY??? Joe. Jonas. ewwwwwww. He looks nice in them, but hah, still a funny thing.

And next week he has vacation, so CHA-CHING, we are hanging out.

Not really looking forward to one thing at Soul Sister's: Food. I've actually been feeling really sick from drinking or eating anything these past 2 days, and I really don't want to accidentally throw up at her house (I did the first time I slept over, I just got sick from the food).

I also envy Soul Sister like MAD for being my height and weighing 98lbs.

ENVVVVVVVVYYYYYY

But I also like to eat over there as I make myself eat as much as her. It's so strange, I can tell what a correctly portioned meal is if I see it, but I can't do it myself. Now a days it's just don't eat until dinner (Lunch only if you MUST), binge till everyone is asleep, then purge. On my once in a blue moon days I fast and love every minute of it. And whenever I do keep food down it's always after a gut-busting binge. But when I keep down good portioned things (Like with friends, when I feel too ashamed to binge more) I barely gain.

And her family is almost always out, her brother is pretty out of the way and her parents work all day and when they are back we barely see them.

Every time staying over her house is like a mini adventure.