SUCH. A. FUCKING. GOOD. MOOD.
122.6lbs.
YUHSSS.
I am just so happy about that, especially since I ate SO much on Sunday and didn't purge. Then I stayed up till the morning and ate more and FINALLY threw up. For the past 2 nights we've been having chicken and salad, it's dull as hell but sooo easy to purge with enough water.
Also since I have my nights and days reversed I wake up and just wait till 9 or 10pm so then I can purge everything and everyone will be asleep... Can't remember if I mentioned that before.
Oh yes, I never did tell about Soul Sister's, we actually did not get drunk or high, suprisingly. But we did get some percs and they are a high dose, super nice man.
Nothing else has been happening, unfortunately, although I am VERY glad that I'm losing.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Something Good To Show You
Today I get out of the house for the first time in a week, sleeping over my best friend/soul sister's house. I am so fuckiing glad, I miss her so much (We live in different states, but it's just a hour away).
And like any time together, we will get high/drunk. DAMN I love it.
But I had a stupid depression spell and cut myself recently. The cool thing about staying over her house is she and I are so comfortable around each other we sleep in our underwear. She knows about my cutting, but her family sure doesn't. And since it's pretty nice I usually wear shorts. Stupid me, cutting on my thigh, and pretty low on it too.
124.2lbs at the moment.
I wish I could have weigh myself at my usual time, as I like 24 hours or so to pass before weighing myself. Buuuuut I'll be at Soul Sister's by that time.
It's amazing, seeing that I binged crazily on Saturday, staying up till 4am talking to Russe on FaceBook. Then I was too afraid to go throw up (It takes me like a hour), fearing my Dad would get up to go to the gym soon. So I sat being so horribly obese.
So, Russe. The only down sides I can find about him is:
-He's a semi-scene kid. Doesn't dress it thoroughly, but ehhh.
-His favorite clothes are v-neck t-shirts and skinny jeans. WHO ELSE WEARS THAT CONSTANTLY??? Joe. Jonas. ewwwwwww. He looks nice in them, but hah, still a funny thing.
And next week he has vacation, so CHA-CHING, we are hanging out.
Not really looking forward to one thing at Soul Sister's: Food. I've actually been feeling really sick from drinking or eating anything these past 2 days, and I really don't want to accidentally throw up at her house (I did the first time I slept over, I just got sick from the food).
I also envy Soul Sister like MAD for being my height and weighing 98lbs.
ENVVVVVVVVYYYYYY
But I also like to eat over there as I make myself eat as much as her. It's so strange, I can tell what a correctly portioned meal is if I see it, but I can't do it myself. Now a days it's just don't eat until dinner (Lunch only if you MUST), binge till everyone is asleep, then purge. On my once in a blue moon days I fast and love every minute of it. And whenever I do keep food down it's always after a gut-busting binge. But when I keep down good portioned things (Like with friends, when I feel too ashamed to binge more) I barely gain.
And her family is almost always out, her brother is pretty out of the way and her parents work all day and when they are back we barely see them.
Every time staying over her house is like a mini adventure.
And like any time together, we will get high/drunk. DAMN I love it.
But I had a stupid depression spell and cut myself recently. The cool thing about staying over her house is she and I are so comfortable around each other we sleep in our underwear. She knows about my cutting, but her family sure doesn't. And since it's pretty nice I usually wear shorts. Stupid me, cutting on my thigh, and pretty low on it too.
124.2lbs at the moment.
I wish I could have weigh myself at my usual time, as I like 24 hours or so to pass before weighing myself. Buuuuut I'll be at Soul Sister's by that time.
It's amazing, seeing that I binged crazily on Saturday, staying up till 4am talking to Russe on FaceBook. Then I was too afraid to go throw up (It takes me like a hour), fearing my Dad would get up to go to the gym soon. So I sat being so horribly obese.
So, Russe. The only down sides I can find about him is:
-He's a semi-scene kid. Doesn't dress it thoroughly, but ehhh.
-His favorite clothes are v-neck t-shirts and skinny jeans. WHO ELSE WEARS THAT CONSTANTLY??? Joe. Jonas. ewwwwwww. He looks nice in them, but hah, still a funny thing.
And next week he has vacation, so CHA-CHING, we are hanging out.
Not really looking forward to one thing at Soul Sister's: Food. I've actually been feeling really sick from drinking or eating anything these past 2 days, and I really don't want to accidentally throw up at her house (I did the first time I slept over, I just got sick from the food).
I also envy Soul Sister like MAD for being my height and weighing 98lbs.
ENVVVVVVVVYYYYYY
But I also like to eat over there as I make myself eat as much as her. It's so strange, I can tell what a correctly portioned meal is if I see it, but I can't do it myself. Now a days it's just don't eat until dinner (Lunch only if you MUST), binge till everyone is asleep, then purge. On my once in a blue moon days I fast and love every minute of it. And whenever I do keep food down it's always after a gut-busting binge. But when I keep down good portioned things (Like with friends, when I feel too ashamed to binge more) I barely gain.
And her family is almost always out, her brother is pretty out of the way and her parents work all day and when they are back we barely see them.
Every time staying over her house is like a mini adventure.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Miss Invisible
Actually pretty happy today, but that's because yesterday I met a nice, cute, RUSSIAN boy, let's say Russe is his name.
If there is one thing I have a weakness for it's boys knowing differeft langugages.
Any who, what I did was just man the whole stand for the best wishes cards, then my Russian teacher brought one of her friends' son to help (As he had to get in community service hours for high school), and this, my friends, is how I met him. Throughout the whole show we didn't bother to go and watch it we just hung out in the lobby, listening to music and talking.
I have to say I'm very glad I like comics, scifi, and fantasy.
So I met a few of his friends who where in the show an dthey all gave him the thumbs up when they saw him with me.
Now Russe wants to see Iron Man 2 with me... Let's hope that actually happens.
I didn't eat anything yesterday, I had an ice coffee from Dunkins' that just had sugar (No milk because they messed up my order thankfully!), and a few sips of a Fresca.
Now I'm weighing in at 124.4lbs :)
If there is one thing I have a weakness for it's boys knowing differeft langugages.
Any who, what I did was just man the whole stand for the best wishes cards, then my Russian teacher brought one of her friends' son to help (As he had to get in community service hours for high school), and this, my friends, is how I met him. Throughout the whole show we didn't bother to go and watch it we just hung out in the lobby, listening to music and talking.
I have to say I'm very glad I like comics, scifi, and fantasy.
So I met a few of his friends who where in the show an dthey all gave him the thumbs up when they saw him with me.
Now Russe wants to see Iron Man 2 with me... Let's hope that actually happens.
I didn't eat anything yesterday, I had an ice coffee from Dunkins' that just had sugar (No milk because they messed up my order thankfully!), and a few sips of a Fresca.
Now I'm weighing in at 124.4lbs :)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Why do the holidays make us fat? I always just get so caught up with them that I don't have any time to throw up and then I'm so tired.
Fuckin' Easter.
That's where it all went wrong. Luckily now though I have been staying up all night and sleeping all day, which is realy the best thing in the world. I always eat too much during the day because my mom pressures me to it. Now it's more like I sleep till 9pm (Or just stay in my room and pretend to) and come down and eat. Then I just wait till mom goes to sleep so I can stop being paranoid and throw up.
At the moment I am 127.2 lbs, I feel very shitty by that, that it took this long to lose whatever it was. I was too afraid to weigh myself.
Tomorrow is huge, my old russian teacher asked me to help her with this fashion show fundraiser for breast cancer. It's just the rehearsal and all I do is run the little best wishes cards to the "models". So hopefully there's some thinspo there, and not a lot of fat chicks.
She's one of those people who I really want to present myself for. Like I want her to be proud, just like what I'd try to do with my old dance teacher.
So what should I wear? I'm totally stressing about what to wear for the rehearsal and the actual night. I know I should be more casual than most of the people there, since i'm only going to be behind the scenes really.
This is what I was thinking for the show:
Dark wash green skinny jeans (The only skinny jeans that I've ever looked nice-ish in)
Black tank top
My blue converse or my white and black Ozzy converse
Pretty gypsy necklace I made
And some bracelets
That's my pretty outfit that isn't slutty like my other clothes. But I am not sure at all what to wear for rehearsal.
My fashion sense has been changing recently. Since 5th grade I've went from Goth/Punk>Punk>Cyndi Lauper-esque>Whatever I felt like>Gypsy-esque with a touch of glam. My newest one is more of that chick from Gossip Girls (I've never seen it or read it but I found an article about how she dresses and I LOVE IT).
Also it's pretty hot here, for being New England, I'm surprised. And guess who just happened to have a depression spell and cut themselves... so I'm really gonna pile on the bracelets.
So now I gotta work out as much as possible for tomorrow and for the 11th. BUt now I've been feeling very sick the past 2 days whenever I eat and just before I fall asleep, so that's gonna help.
Fuckin' Easter.
That's where it all went wrong. Luckily now though I have been staying up all night and sleeping all day, which is realy the best thing in the world. I always eat too much during the day because my mom pressures me to it. Now it's more like I sleep till 9pm (Or just stay in my room and pretend to) and come down and eat. Then I just wait till mom goes to sleep so I can stop being paranoid and throw up.
At the moment I am 127.2 lbs, I feel very shitty by that, that it took this long to lose whatever it was. I was too afraid to weigh myself.
Tomorrow is huge, my old russian teacher asked me to help her with this fashion show fundraiser for breast cancer. It's just the rehearsal and all I do is run the little best wishes cards to the "models". So hopefully there's some thinspo there, and not a lot of fat chicks.
She's one of those people who I really want to present myself for. Like I want her to be proud, just like what I'd try to do with my old dance teacher.
So what should I wear? I'm totally stressing about what to wear for the rehearsal and the actual night. I know I should be more casual than most of the people there, since i'm only going to be behind the scenes really.
This is what I was thinking for the show:
Dark wash green skinny jeans (The only skinny jeans that I've ever looked nice-ish in)
Black tank top
My blue converse or my white and black Ozzy converse
Pretty gypsy necklace I made
And some bracelets
That's my pretty outfit that isn't slutty like my other clothes. But I am not sure at all what to wear for rehearsal.
My fashion sense has been changing recently. Since 5th grade I've went from Goth/Punk>Punk>Cyndi Lauper-esque>Whatever I felt like>Gypsy-esque with a touch of glam. My newest one is more of that chick from Gossip Girls (I've never seen it or read it but I found an article about how she dresses and I LOVE IT).
Also it's pretty hot here, for being New England, I'm surprised. And guess who just happened to have a depression spell and cut themselves... so I'm really gonna pile on the bracelets.
So now I gotta work out as much as possible for tomorrow and for the 11th. BUt now I've been feeling very sick the past 2 days whenever I eat and just before I fall asleep, so that's gonna help.
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